Thursday, August 13, 2009

How much is enough?

So tonight, as usual, found me unable to fall asleep, so I got up again, thought i'd check my email before I read to make myself fall asleep. I noticed a post on here from a girl I know (my old roommate's sister in law :-), and that reminded me to check on how they're doing. Her name is Kate, and she works for an organization called World Orphans. She has the unique blessing/curse of living in both worlds: physically being here in America most of the time, but often travelling and probably always being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually occupied in many other places. Places that some of us can't imagine, and others of us are very aware of just tend not to think about most of the time. I heard very little about their personal life as I read her blog, but I was reminded about that something else: the rest of the world.

Many of you know I had a really hard time leaving Senegal and "re-entering", as they call it, life here. (Patrick bore the brunt of this transition.) $4 coffees? How many clothes? How important is that car? How many church "programs" and how few people actually being baptized? How many ice cream socials or ladies brunches and how few unchurched people actually being reached? Yes, I came across as judgemental, I'm sure. It's been almost 4 yrs, believe it or not, since I've been "home." And my "perspective" has changed again. But I am still very torn. We don't have much money, so we don't spend much money. New clothes, eating out, entertainment, such things are very rare. But nor am I as consumed as I once was. Every one of us who calls himself a Christian fights this battle. Where is the line, if you will? I'm pretty sure Jesus never said there was a line, it was an all or nothing deal with Him. You're either in the world or part of the Kingdom. Light and darkness. Selfish or selfless.

So, do we all just live in 2 bedroom apartments, take the bus, have 4 outfits and eat beans and rice? I can't imagine how that lifestyle would make everybody else feel? Like I said, Kate works with orphans. I am about to have my second baby. He won't be lavished with material possessions compared to most of his 'colleagues' in the church nursery. Nearly all of his clothes will be used, and those new will have been bought on clearance. But he already has way more clothes than he needs. He already has 3 or 4 teddy bears waiting for him. He already has a variety of baby equipment to make his, or my, life easier. Are those things wrong? No, I don't think so. Just like the occasional special night out with my husband isn't wrong, or family vacation, or $4 coffee. But then again, what did Jesus mean? How much money is ok to spend on yourself? If we support one orphan, or two orphans, or three orphans, then does that balance things out? Or if we give money, then are we exempt from going ourselves, or spending serious time in prayer for the rest of the world? Or if we live more simply than those around us, so we can afford to give more to those far away, is that ok? We are, after all, Americans. $4 coffee is simply what we do, right?

Again, where is the line? And why do we define our involvement by how much money we give? Our churches have a missions program because it's a line item on the budget. We send off a shoebox or two every Christmas. We even support a child through Compassion or a native missionary through GFA. But where are our hearts? Where is my heart? To be honest, I am usually much more concerned about keeping carcinogens away from my daughter than I am about the millions of children starving to death (without the hope of eternity). I believe wholeheartedly that right now my primary mission field is my children, and my primary ministry is simply supporting my husband and being the strength behind my family as they grow. But where does everything else fit in? I don't know. I want to be poured out as an offering, not just for my children but for children who have no mother. I want Patrick to be my leader and provider, but what about those who have no leader and provider? Is there enough of him and me to go around? How far does our responsibility go? To the least of these?

I never would have survived in America had I not become somewhat more comfortable with life here. But does God really want us to be comfortable? Or are we supposed to be uncomfortable when what is around us doesn't necessarily reflect God's nature and priorities? I remember that movie about that guy who was fighting slavery in England. Amazing Grace, or something. He said he had nightmares, hearing the slaves, and picturing them. He was unable to live in regular society because he was so burdened for those slaves. I have often wondered why we aren't so affected by the less comfortable, physically and/or spiritually, around us. Myself included. Why can I put it out of my mind? Is it because the task is too great? My bank account is too small? My husband/children need me so much? I don't have enough time right now? If I can't actually be there full time, than I can't do anything that counts anyways? What if we substituted, say, half our Bible study or fellowship times for service opportunities or ministering to others?

How much is God really asking of us? I dont' pretend to know in specifics, for me or especially for anybody else. But I do think it's more than being in church, giving our exact percentage for tithe and an occasional special offering, or even teaching sunday school. Or even having this amazing strong relationship with God myself. What did He mean when He said to live is Christ and to die is gain? To put ourself last? To not store up treasures on earth? To seek first the kingdom of God? Again, I don't have the answers. But I think God will lead us if we at least ask the questions. Thanks, Kate, for reminding me.
http://untiltheyallhavehomes.blogspot.com/

7 comments:

Senegal Daily said...

This is an awesome post, Jana. Very insightful, thought-provoking, and hopefully prayer- and action- provoking too.

Thanks for the reminders.

Kate Borders said...

Hi Jana -
Thanks for being willing to wrestle with those questions - I think that's what it's about. We're not going to find all the answers and we're always going to make the right choices. But, I think we're headed in a good direction when we ask the questions and beg the Father that He'll help us with the answers. I love that you are where you are in life for His purposes and I'm excited about what He has in store for those around you as you ask the questions.
Thank you.

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