so the other day i went to get Hannah from her nursery class, and her hands were covered in marker. (seeing as she was wearing her new WHITE Strasbourg Children outfit, that i got for 75% off, I was not thrilled. but anyways). oh my, i said, did she get ahold of a marker? oh no, that's from her craft. she did the finger painting herself, they said. her craft? excuse me? she's old enough for a craft. I wont' lie to you, i started to cry right there. my baby, doing crafts? that makes me happy and incredibly sad all at the same time. and yes, you better believe i'll be keeping it. (and they told me she wouldn't sit through the bible story. you think? she's 14 mos old. she won't sit through a diaper change!)






my mom sent me some pictures she had from the summer. hannah and my Nana (not to be confused with Hannah's Nana, Des, who is coming really soon. yeah!) ridiculously long and stressful trip notwithstanding, we had a great time at the cottage. i love it there.







this was the day of Hannah's party. Lar was making the deviled eggs, i believe. i could never ever have done it without my family. we all worked nonstop all day. i barely even let anyone eat. it was pretty bad. you've heard of bridezilla? this was like new-momzilla. it was insane. at some point, somebody stopped and said, does anybody smell anything. then someone spotted a pile of poop in the corner. i'm not kidding. we never did figure out who it was from. it was cleaned up before the guests came, though!





my mom took this picture while she was here. apparently she thought it was picture-worthy. maybe if i send it to oprah she'll have me on a make-over show? (i'm kneading bread, by the way. yes, i know i could just buy it. but i actually like making it.)






so we finally got hannah some curtains. i was at the pottery barn outlet store on my way back from charlotte recently, and the sign said linen curtains, 50% off (off of the already reduced outlet store price.) great, i thought, this is what i've been waiting for. so i take them up to the cash and no, they're only 20%, or something. i said oh, i have to think about it, i wasn't planning on spending that much. the girl behind the counter says oh, it's your daughter, she's worth it. i didn't get into it there, but no, i thought, my daughter is worth much more than fancy shmancy pottery barn kids curtains. look at her face when i get her up in the morning. she is worth me staying home with her, which means i can't afford expensive curtains. why is that such a foreign concept to so many people? (i hope the fact that i bought the curtains anyways doesn't negate my point. i put back other stuff, i promise!)





so we'd accumulated so many toys that people had given us i got her a little storage place. the books are currently on the top row of bins, and she can't always reach them. these days, when she gets frustrated because she can't do something she screeches (very loudly) until i come help her. this time i apparently didn't get there fast enough, because she climbed up on her little musical table. i was in the bathroom, so i'm not exactly sure how. but then she couldn't get down. and she didn't like it when i said, stay there, don't fall, i'm going to get the camera. monkey!





so we have one of those little plastic stacking ring toy things. i have no idea where she got this idea, but today she had one on each foot, and she was just skating around the kitchen. funny kid, i'm telling you




we found this sand box at the flea market for $10. she absolutely loves it. it's been indispensable this week while i've spent time in the garden. unfortunately, our handy dandy pest control dude told me today that sand boxes are just little welcome mats for spiders (such as black widows) and fleas. bad idea, he says. great.




oh, my garden. so patrick gave me this wonderful book for christmas called the vegetable gardener's bible. i'd read it cover to cover by february. since i'm finally making a garden, i decided to brush up on it again. bad idea. i'm apparently doing everything wrong. if only a for effort worked in these situations. it's rock solid clay, and i'm trying to dig the whole thing (approx 6'x16') with a shovel. never in my life have i worked this hard. muscles i didn't even know i had. and i'm supposed to know my muscles! back when i was training, people used to tell me they worked in their garden, and i would tell them that doesn't count for your exercise. i've since changed my mind. (meghan and i are writing a book and making a dvd for our new weight loss/lifestyle fitness plan: she's doing a kneading bread workout, and i'm doing a gardening workout. we are considering adding a green-clean-your-shower-without-chemicals-so-you-have-to-scrub-really-hard-yourself workout. see, when you work out at home, you get your exercise in. then we'll get really rich and pay other people to do this manual labour for us and then we'll have to go to the gym to get ours! the american dream, right?)



the most beautiful girl in the world, telling you ba bye for now.
(patrick gets home tomorrow night after another 6 days on the road. or in the air, i guess. yeah!)

Hannah's in bed, patrick's across the street watching the over-rated auburn university football game, and i, the party animal of the neighbourhood, am at home in my pyjamas. so if i try to look at this more as catching up with a friend, as opposed to something like an impending school project, perhaps i'll be more timely with our updates. i have finally forgiven Blogger and my computer for the unjustices committed against me, and am attempting to restore our relationship and move forward. unfortunately, i have no idea where our camera is, so this little chat will be picture free. it may be in NC, actually. hope not. we just never take pictures, or video anymore. her second year of life is definitely not going to be as well documented as her first. and our second baby (not that we have one in any capacity!), poor thing, he'll be lucky with one or two pictures.

so, about last pictures, we went to northern al over labour day, specifically huntsville. did some fun things, some big space museum that patrick can tell you more about, the state park, spent alot of time in the hotel pool, that kind of thing. hannah is cute as can be, but more of a handful than i expected. i am already that mom, the very embarassed one chasing her unruly child through the mall/grocery store/parking lot/church foyer, because my precious doll (that's what i try to keep convincing myself, anyways) is forever running, usually away from me. we have one of those cheap little fold up strollers, and she now knows if she catapults herself forward, she can actually stand up on the ground while still strapped in. causes problems, as you can imagine. if you attempt to restrain her activities in any way at all (diaper/clothing change, stroller, carseat, hugs on your lap) she acts like it is the worst injustice ever committed against a human being. it's quite embarassing. she is also quite the picky eater, which we're trying to work on, and sooooooo messy. oh my goodness. the other day i made the mistake of doing her bath before she ate supper, and within seconds her hair was a mixture of mashed sweet potatoes, yogurt, and strawberries. and the floor and the highchair. i'm not complaining. really. i love this child so much i could just eat her up. and she is without a doubt the most adorable thing God ever created. but toddlers are hard, that's all i'm saying. can i get an amen?

so without emotionally vomiting on all my faithful blog readers, i have to share some exciting progress in my life. By now it's fairly public knowledge that i struggle with insecurity, comparing myself to other people, and an unhealthy focus on the physical. that was intensified by some other things in my life, and recently, things have been bad. very bad. i was making a half-hearted attempt to fix myself, but it wasn't going very well. i knew i was believing lies and not living the abundant life God has for me, but i never really thought i could change. some thoughts i knew were wrong, others i didn't even know i really had. they had been a part of me for so long. things were getting so bad i decided they had to change. if anyone else is in this place, hear this: you have to do something even before you want to. don't wait until you actually want to, or you never will. long story short, i never imagined how powerful God could work in my life if i really gave Him the opportunity. and i know it's cliche, at least in my circles, but i am doing Beth moore's breaking free, and i got to tell you, it deserves all the hype. EVERYBODY should do this bible study. it's amazing. that, and some long, difficult conversations with my mother and mother-in-law, along with their prayers, and a whole lot of my own. God really truly wants to change our lives and our hearts. He wants us to be healed of whatever scars we have, and be whole and complete in Him. i just want to publicly thank Him for what He's doing in my life. Don't be like me and hold on to lies, hurts, bitterness and resentment, all kinds of things. letting go might be the hardest thing you ever do, but it's so worth it. God will take care of your heart.

one more thing i want to share. (figure i might as well get all this out of the way at one time!) most of you know I experienced alot of trouble nursing when Hannah was born. We are soon closing that chapter of our relationship, and in honor, if you will, i wanted to share what we've done, in hopes that it may help someone else ( just like the previous paragraph). I have a genetic disorder or something called hypoprolactinemia (low prolactin, caused by a pituitary gland problem) and hypoplasia (lack of mammary gland tissue). after 2 wks of sheer horribleness, we realized she was starving, and we started supplementing with formula, in a bottle. (i could never have gone through this without my sister meghan, btw, who went through it all before me, twice, and told me everything i needed to know.) i was against this because 1. the formula 2. the bottle. so you see we had problems. what to do? if you ever find yourself in this situation, everyone, lactation consultants included, will probably tell you to give up, because you did your best and there's nothing you can do. au contraire, my friend. long story short, we have been nursing for 14 mos now with a supplementer and donated milk. (yes, donated human milk. i know, i know, you think it's gross. people donate blood, don't they, and organs? why not milk?) this enables us to nurse exclusively, and just supplement while nursing. there are milk banks in all NICU (neonatal intensive care units) of hospitals, because everyone knows how important it is for especially preemies and sick babies to get breastmilk. you can buy milk from milk banks for the exorbitant price of a few dollars and ounce. (a newborn eats around 10-15 oz/day, and works their way up to 30 oz eventually.) this is much too expensive. so there are people who simply give it away. i know, too good to be true. that's what i thought. an online group called milkshare brings together donors and donees all across the country. i post my situation and where i live, and ideally, people respond saying, oh, i live in AL, and I have extra, come and get it. so i truck on over there with my coolers and come back with 100's of ounces of frozen breastmilk and put it in my freezer. really, it's quite a system. of course, sometimes they say i live in wyoming, you can have it but you have to pay $100's of shipping charges, or something. but you do what you can. some people have extra from what they saved for their baby when they went back to work. others do ongoing donations, and send you milk every few months. we were blessed to have milk for Hannah for probably 70% of her first year. (now, big girl that she is, i just give her koolaid. you laugh, but people actually do that!) anyways, all that to say
1. if you are having problems, don't give up. maybe you don't know what the problem is and nobody around you can help. maybe you know already you had masectomy, reduction surgery, or maybe you're adopting and trying to induce lactation. there are options for you.

2. maybe you fall into the vast majority of moms who never have problems and could probably feed a country, because your supply and demand works, well, on demand. perhaps you'd consider helping another baby? www.milkshare.com

3. if you are the general public, thank you for reading this far and not writing me off. i appreciate your openmindedness. so to you, i ask for understanding. the more we talk about things, the more commonplace they seem. and it should be commonplace, not some embarassing, private, or even inappropriate fact of life. good heavens, with what we are all exposed to regularly, this is quite PG. or even G.

i bet you all know me waaaaay better than you ever wanted, eh? i better publish this before i get nervous and change my mind. :-)

i am terribly sorry, but after working for a long time on this stupid thing, it froze up on me yet again and wasn't auto-saving. so i lost all kinds of work. considering this is the third time i've tried to update the blog, i am beyond frustrated. so all my funny human interest stories and captions that i had are missing. i hope the picures make sense themselves, bcause i'm not going to redo it all right now.
























Top Ten Things that are irritating me right now:

1. this stupid blog. i try to upload pictures, and it says done, but then they never come up. i am so frustrated! because i really do want to post some pictures. (as you notice, it finally worked. it just took forever.)


2. Strangers who don't know their place. Ok, at the farmers market the other day, Hannah was walking around, not being disruptive, not bothering anyone, but she was a few feet away from me. this old man went over, grabbed her arm and said, who does this belong to, we need to put a muzzle on her. SHE WASN'T EVEN TALKING. maybe he meant a leash. whatever. also, don't ask me how tall i am. just don't. and stop asking what year i am (in college.) some man yesterday asked if i was interested in his son (whom i'd never met, btw), who's 19. honestly, people. i said i was 26 and have been happily married for nearly 3 yrs with a 13 mos old. he thought i was kidding, said i looked like a teenager. aaggghhhh.


3. Hastings (the book store). we took a whole bunch (46, to be exact) of movies to sell today, and you know how much i got for them? $54! unbelievable! and these were really good movies, in their original cases, not scratched, not that old. i was so mad.


4. Ants. our house is being eaten alive from the inside out. seriously. it's worse than africa. we even have monthly pest control. it's been a serious problem. especially the day we found them in hannah's crib. oh, and these were fire ants. fire ants. eating my daughter.

and this is where i had kept going, but now it's all gone. so sorry.